This weekend we talked about the idea that each of us was made to belong to other people. As a practical picture of this, Glen talked about the concept of "Refigerator Rights".
Authors Will Miller & Glenn Sparks introduced this idea in their BOOKof the same title.
Will's BLOG defines the concept this way:
Refrigerator Rights Relationships are people who can open your refrigerator without having to ask permission. And when you are in their home you can do the same. They are people with whom you feel open, cared for and relaxed. They know the real you behind the facade.
Do you have anyone like this in your life? More than one person?
If so, how did you get to this level of belonging?
If not, why not? Are you afraid? Too busy? Something else?
Is there anything in your fridge worth eating anyway?
12 comments:
I have developed that relationship with a few. It takes a certain measure of coarseness and audacity, the former being in copious supply.
My fridge is full of stuff that requires at least 20 minutes to put together for dinner. While that makes for some great meals sometimes (and a generous amount of dishes), others times it turns into cereal night.
Before we moved, we had many people that had refrigerator rights. We had the "go to" house. It was not uncommon for someone to be at our house every day. There were about 10 people in this group. We had Bible study together once a week and the other times it was just to hang out. These people never had to ring the door bell and wait to be let in. They were welcome at our house any time, any day, and welcome to whatever was in our house. We developed this relationship by working together, going to church together, and having Bible study together.
Our fridge is full of milk. I have a 1 1/2 year old that goes through about 3 gallons a week!
Refrigerator Rights...
Even though I love the concept and have a lot of friends at Crossroads, I am quite sure that none of them would feel totally comfortable with me coming in and helping myself and vice versa. Sure, I've ebbed in and out of those tight relationships...
Seriously, it takes time and investment to be in community with someone to the point that kind of access feels right. Not only into their "fridge" but into their lives.
Even though I am surrounded by lots of great acquaintances at Crossroads, I still find myself asking the question all the time... "Who am I really close to?" Who would I feel comfortable calling at 3am in an emergency. I would like to believe a lot of folks would pick up the phone... Satan tries to convince us that others don't have the time for us or we shouldn't make the time for others... too much risk and too much investment.
Anyway, I'm tring to lean more into this community and not just my "immediate" family... but it's tough sometimes.
Are you kidding??? There is always some kind of yummy leftover under 3 days old (because that's my purging limit)in our fridge...and usually some kind of baked good/dessert in there or on the counter. It depends on what kind of schedule we have that week.
I have a couple friends who have refirgerator rights and a couple more who have moved away in the last year L:( It does seem though, that nowadays we are rarely home to have them over, and my friends with refrigerator rights are quickly being replaced by my children's friends who have refrigerator rights, LOL! Does that count???
Seriously, I need to work more on my face-to-face adult relationships. It seems as though they are limited to whatever parents get together after meets/practices/games to do.
I also need to find another place to serve, but every place I've served at Crossroad's has vanished as an opportunity (should I take that as a hint?)...except for Tyketown, and I discovered after a year that that's really not my strength :)
In a conversation I had with a friend recently, they thanked me for hosting a get together in our home. My immediate response was, "One of the reasons I even bought my house was to let it be a place where our friends could gather." And that's truly the way I feel about our house and for that matter, or refrigerator; It's open to anyone that enters. I like to think of our home as a gathering place that is a social extension to our church, workplace, and neighborhood. Whether it's a cookout, a dinner party, an Oscar Viewing Party, or just kids from the neighborhood playing in our home, our refrigerator and pantry or public domain. We even have a refrigerator in our garage to handle the overflow of guest during special occasions. So if you're ever at my home, please feel free to help yourself...just leave some for the other guests.
Yes, I've eaten from the Colonel's refrigerator. He's not just saying this to make himself look good. Granted, his family wasn't there at the time, but the sentiment was the same, I'm sure.
In all seriousness, we just left a church with many friends who came in and removed things from our refrigerator. We never reciprocated (something about the utter lack of sustenance in others' fridges), but I'm sure that we COULD have if we were so inclined.
At present, any of you can come to my mother-in-law's home and grab an Ale-8-1 or a Capri-Sun. There may be some taco fixins in there, but I would tread carefully.
Good dialogue folks.
I was talking with a group of friends yesterday about this topic and a couple of us lamented how long it can take to build this level of openess and trust with others.
On one hand we long deeply for it, on the other- it can be a bit scary.
I walked away reminded that I need to be patient as I watch relationships develop and grow.
I have a handful of friends that I think have rights to my fridge, I don't know if they know that. My fridge and home are always open to those who need or want to come over. I love hosting and don't do it enough. In order to get here it not only takes patience but the ability to say "I'm open to you" no matter what the sense. If I am opening my home to you that allows you access to my family and my posessions. What really matters to me is the relaionship and the interactions that go on when people get together. Food seems to be a great center piece. The interaction is priceless. This is what Jesus modeled for us and I love to gather around the dinner table with friends. By the way, I don't do leftovers but always seem to have some in the fridge. It is nice to have someone clean them out from time to time, that is if you can get to it before my husband does. :)
A couple of years ago, the subject of refrigerator rights came up in our small group. Up until that time we had been meeting at only one or two homes of the group members.
In order to extend refrigerator rights, we began to rotate our meetings to the home of every single group member. And to top it off, the person whose home we meet in is responsible for dinner for the night. The impact this had on the group was almost immediately and has had lasting effects. We now feel pretty much at home at any member's of the group and definitely have refrigerator rights. In fact that's even something we assure one another that we have.
I love having this level of comfortability with someone. Growing up I had a few close friends whose parents enveloped me in this way. I never even had to knock or ask to stay the night. There is something about that extension of home that is so important to share with people other than family. It does take years to develop (even though children do speed the process along a bit). I was taught that if you want dinner guests to feel at home answer the door barefoot and put them to work immediately. This is not a very Martha thing to do, but it produces results.
I find the true sign of a close friendship isn't "refrigerator rights" but rather "leave the bathroom door open rights."
Just kidding. That's just grosss. If you do that, you have a problem.
I am totally going to crash your place, as you suggested, grab a beer and a newspaper, but leave the door open so I can watch the game.
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